Don't confuse guilt with shame...

It is often possible to confuse guilt and shame. They are similar but they are different. The difference is very important.

Guilt is a recognition that I did something bad whereas  shame is a confession that I am bad. It is importnat not to mix the two. Brene Brown in her latest book, "Daring Greatly" explains the difference well and the likely consequences.

"When we apologize for something we've done, make amends, or change a behaviour that doesn't align with our values, guilt - not shame - is most often the driving force... Guilt is just as powerful as shame, but its influence is positive while shame is destructive...

We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it's dangerous...In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.

...[I]t is human nature to want to feel worthy of love and belonging. When we experience shame, we feel disconnected and desperate for worthiness...

If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive... Empathy is connection; it's the ladder out of the shame hole."

 

Image courtesy of FrameAngel / FreeDigitalPhotos.net